The Case of the Missing Link

June 13, 2006 at 10:06 am 10 comments

I know I just put in not one, but two entries, but still, what the hell, I am indignant.

It happened this way:

Someone (some two, actually) came to Baker Street, when Holmes and I were indisposed, and left offline links to with Mrs Hudson. She, good soul that she is, handed them to us, unsuspecting that disaster lurked around the corner.

A very ordinary sounding page, I thought. I clicked on one and was sent to an error page on yahoo photos.
There is nothing so unnatural as the commonplace, sniggered Holmes.
Bah to yahoo I said, and logged off.

I was in Chennai for the weekend, and got home one Sunday night. Now two days is a hell of a lot in cyberspace, so I logged straight into my gmail, to be greeted by a mail from yahoo saying my password had been changed.
Idon’t see how that could’ve happened, I complained, it was an uncommon kind of id – I don’t know how he guessed it.

You see Watson, but you do not observe, said Holmes, what one man can invent, another can discover.

I went to yahoo to get my password changed. My id didn’t exist, I was told. I logged all over yahoo – mail, messenger, music – a couple of times each. My ancient yahoo id (which we will call had been hacked into and then deleted.

The internet, that great cesspool into which all the loungers and idlers of the Empire are irresistibly drained.
Oh no, Holmes, I cried, disaster has struck! It must be that mysterious napoleon of crime, the professor! Oh no!

Come, Watson, come. The game is afoot. Let us log into your father’s messenger and check you up on his friend list. All will become clear.

I logged in, and found an offline message from my (murdered) account – a link to

The man is a monster, Holmes, a very fiend from hell.

Ay, Watson, I must confess myself beaten. By the most dangerous man in cyberspace, it is true, but beaten all the same. You must get a new id.

My dear Holmes, why, enlightened post-gmail citizens that we are, should any one worry about such trivialities as a yahoo id? They are a dime a dozen and pretty useless to boot. I will, instead, get another gmail account. It’ll be one in the eye for the prof!

I have two words for you Watson: stealth and Launchcast.

Stealth is easily acquired along with a new id, but training my Launchcast was a long and arduous process involving listening to hours of crap and rating it “Don’t play again.” It also involved a lot of surfing for favourite artists and rating them.

It is not a task I look forward to doing.

I confess I have been beaten, Watson, said Holmes.
Impossible! I said, hoping to prevent him from falling back on his old standby, cocaine.
It is not impossible, Watson, but merely improbable said he. And how often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?

But he will get more ids, Holmes, I cried. As we speak the terrible link is wandering through attacking innocent people!What object is served by this circle of misery and violence and fear?
He shrugged, and said, there are certain crimes which the law cannot touch.

And so Holmes sits in defeat, baffled by the evil genius that is the virus I hereby christen Moriarty. May it fall off the Riechenbach to a gruesome end!

Watson, said he, if it should ever strike you that I am getting a little over-confident in my powers, or giving less pains to a case than it deserves, kindly whisper “yahoo” in my ear, and I shall be infinitely obliged to you.

And so endeth the case of the Missing link.


Entry filed under: books. Tags: , .

Whew Ganglion

10 Comments Add your own

  • 1. nikhil  |  June 13, 2006 at 3:19 pm

    so u not on yahoo messenger anymore?

  • 2. S  |  June 13, 2006 at 5:24 pm

    not currently. I do intend to get a new id soon, though.How’s everything?

  • 3. d  |  June 13, 2006 at 5:54 pm

    aha. now i see explained the mystery of norbury. tho’ one must desert yahoomail. it has managed to somehow exclude me off all my egroups. :(

  • 4. nikhil  |  June 13, 2006 at 6:06 pm

    not bad, going to blore for a job.wasup with you?

  • 5. Anonymous  |  June 13, 2006 at 6:08 pm

    Ha! Ha! That read like Bertie Wooster on dope (which is probably the case). And by the way, Dr Moriarty is way too cool to name the link “my best new pics” (ugh!). Find another name for the virus or be attacked by a vicious black (make that pink) hound on your next trip to Coffee Day.Mad

  • 6. S  |  June 14, 2006 at 10:56 am

    Mad: clearly that wasn’t Moriarty himself, but his network. It was actually some random pipsqueak who did the website-naming you are so offended by…it might even have been you! Incidentally, jan says she got the link from you too…d: I agree. But i still pine for my launchcast…

  • 7. Anonymous  |  June 14, 2006 at 12:22 pm

    First of all, Moriarty doesn’t employ pipsqueaks. You are probably thinking of Fagin. And I am sorry for Jan’s loss. I miss our pointless conversations. High time she got herself a gmail id anyway. I cannot believe she doesn’t have one. How are you getting by without Mrs Hudson these days? I suppose her existence was wiped out along with your Yahoo! id? Say hello to the dog for me.Mad

  • 8. R.  |  July 28, 2006 at 9:02 pm

    See, if Yahoo! rated this kind of melodrama – the defiling of Holmes, no less! – I would be more concerned. Use VH1, like everyone else. :P

  • 9. nikhil  |  November 7, 2010 at 10:56 pm

    helo ?

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This work by Shalini Srinivasan is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License.
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